Ah, the infamous “turkey neck” – the charming little souvenir that time bestows upon us as we gracefully age.
It’s as if one day, I was confidently wearing a favorite necklace, and the next, I was contemplating turtlenecks in the peak of summer.
Yes, this is the latest in my personal aging events that has most recently captured my attention in a conscious way. In writing this series of self UNshaming blogs during my 69th year I haven’t mapped out an ‘editorial calendar’ to dictate what I’ll tackle next.
Instead, I’m letting it unfold organically, much like my pathway toward true emotional liberation has over the years. It feels right to explore what this physical shift teaches me about self worth as I look in the mirror.
As my awareness grows in my 10th week of doing this, I’m noticing things I’ve obsessed about in the past. And turkey neck? Well, it seems it was just waiting for its turn in the spotlight.
Turkey Neck, Aging, and Thoughts about self worth
Turkey neck – or sagging, wrinkled skin around the neck – is extremely common among both men and women as they age. While exact stats are hard to pin down, scientific research on skin aging shows that sagging in the neck area affects nearly everyone past a certain age due to the natural decline of collagen, elastin, and muscle tone. But how soon and how dramatically it appears is, like so much else, based on genetics and lifestyle factors.
For me, seeing skin wrinkling around my neck has been a jolt – because my shoulders, neck, and back have always been my quiet little fashion wins. Backless styles, open necklines – I leaned into those choices with ease. (Cascading cleavage looks were never for me because, frankly, I never had much to cascade.)
Now, I’m reassessing my dressing choices. But this is where the inner-conflict comes. I don’t want to hide anything actually – but I am struggling with how to be comfortable with my emerging turkey neck. Being honest with myself about self worth means accepting these changes without needing to hide.
Bringing the Shame and Guilt into the Light
Yes, writing about it helps – it’s journaling, only with an audience. And that’s exactly the point of this assignment: to lay it all out, no hiding, no dodging. To take what’s been my shame, drag it into the light, and let you see it – so I see it too. And once it’s out there, named and known, I can finally let it go.
In my work as an emotions therapist, this is very much the process for helping my students and clients release shame – often feelings of not being “enough,” comparison, feeling invisible, unloveable, not fitting the “ideal”.
And in saying that, I can feel exactly what’s surfacing for me around my ‘turkey neck.’ As I admitted from the very start of this series, questioning my looks has always been tangled up with questioning my worth. But if there’s one truth I keep coming back to, it’s this: shame feeds on secrecy.
That’s why naming it, writing about it, and – when possible – laughing at it is my way of taking its power away. For me, it is an intentional step toward achieving a state of empowerment while being honest about self worth in my own skin. So here it is, out in the open. Gobble, gobble. By staying on this path toward true emotional healing, we find our way back to our true selves.
With Love,
Becca
P.S. Have you had your own reckoning with turkey neck? Caught an unexpected glimpse in a mirror or a Zoom call and thought, “Wait… when did that happen?” Or maybe you’ve made peace with it. Would love to hear your thoughts… drop a comment and let me know.
P.S.S. I’m very excited, March 13th is when we launch my 7-week course on the Shift Network. Emotions are my thing… that is processing and releasing them. The link will take you to a free event of me talking about my work, which has big value in itself and will also give you details of spending 7-weeks with me this spring.
