What does that look like? Basically, people, who are wrestling with difficult emotions yet still keeping it together to the outside world. I have more about this in my blog this week:
We all know examples of the “easy-going” boss who’s easy-going until he or she pops their top. Then they become a terror. And the thing for people who work with them is that you never know when it’s gonna happen. When they’re gonna explode.
Or the friend who downs a a bottle of wine or more every night and then gets out of bed in the morning and runs a business.
Or someone who’s nice enough and fun enough but you can’t trust them to tell you the truth as they’re always trying to impress you and others with their wit or intelligence.
I say, “Welcome to the land of the Highly functioning, Walking wounded”. There are many other ways people express their woundings. These are just a few examples. You can probably name some off the top of your head.
In the mental health community, they might refer to this as a “personality disorder”. But, I believe, as it was for me, most are really wrestling with difficult “out of control” emotions that need to be healed.
Let me tell you about me. When I was growing up, the messages from the adults who took care of me – messages that were spoken and unspoken – in the ways I was treated or ignored. The bulk of those messages was that I didn’t matter, that basically the little girl that I was, was never going to be good enough. And I grew up into a woman who never thought she was good enough.
Now, feeling unworthy, I could have gone one of two ways with that number being laid on me … I could have crawled in a hole, curled up in a fetal position and internalized it. Sadness, guilt and ultimately – Depression. Giving up.
Mostly, I struggled outwardly to seek validation – in a very high-profile way. I became a TV news reporter and anchor… what better way to seek attention? I’m on TV, people recognize me, they tell me I’m smart and talented. I’m continually fed from the outside with admiration and approval. You see this all the time on Facebook. “Look at me. Look at how sexy or perky or accomplished or smart I am”. How many “likes” did I get. How many Facebook friends do I have. It can become an addiction because it fills our need for attention – for approval seeking.