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What does that look like? Basically, people, who are wrestling with difficult emotions yet still keeping it together to the outside world. I have more about this in my blog this week:
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We all know examples of the “easy-going” boss who’s easy-going until he or she pops their top. Then they become a terror. And the thing for people who work with them is that you never know when it’s gonna happen. When they’re gonna explode.
Or the friend who downs a a bottle of wine or more every night and then gets out of bed in the morning and runs a business.
Or someone who’s nice enough and fun enough but you can’t trust them to tell you the truth as they’re always trying to impress you and others with their wit or intelligence.
I say, “Welcome to the land of the Highly functioning, Walking wounded”. There are many other ways people express their woundings. These are just a few examples. You can probably name some off the top of your head.
In the mental health community, they might refer to this as a “personality disorder”. But, I believe, as it was for me, most are really wrestling with difficult “out of control” emotions that need to be healed.
Let me tell you about me. When I was growing up, the messages from the adults who took care of me – messages that were spoken and unspoken – in the ways I was treated or ignored. The bulk of those messages was that I didn’t matter, that basically the little girl that I was, was never going to be good enough. And I grew up into a woman who never thought she was good enough.
Now, feeling unworthy, I could have gone one of two ways with that number being laid on me … I could have crawled in a hole, curled up in a fetal position and internalized it. Sadness, guilt and ultimately – Depression. Giving up.
Mostly, I struggled outwardly to seek validation – in a very high-profile way. I became a TV news reporter and anchor… what better way to seek attention? I’m on TV, people recognize me, they tell me I’m smart and talented. I’m continually fed from the outside with admiration and approval. You see this all the time on Facebook. “Look at me. Look at how sexy or perky or accomplished or smart I am”. How many “likes” did I get. How many Facebook friends do I have. It can become an addiction because it fills our need for attention – for approval seeking.
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To be clear, there are two ways to go with the emotions that grip us … tuck in and go dark – this is the form of depression that is widely known in our culture. Another form, and what I speak of here, is resistance to Depression – and push harder. In my work, we call it “busy” or “cold” Depression. As my teacher, GuruMeher Singh Khalsa, puts it, “Instead of slowing down to turn around, we push harder, over-stimulate, hang on for dear life and keep running away from feelings and situations we don’t want to address. In our demanding and driven 24/7 culture, being busy is both positive and expected, while taking time out is seen as unambitious, weak, and getting behind the competition. Covering fear of our dark side with distracting action further buries the self-reflection and correction Depression calls for.” Of course, the antidote to this is to go inward as we do through the work I teach and guide.
Becca, Thank You!
You are a humorously wonderful, dimensional human being! I find myself laughing out loud so hard and giggling at times when I’m with you and listening to you! Thank you for your insight and humor! I have grown to adore you and your honesty!
Yes, I think I was actually part of the Highly Functional tribe of the Walking Wounded..at one point in time, There were actually times Before that when I felt like I was part of The Totally “Dysfunctional“ Walking Wounded! I needed to develop wisdom and knowledge.. I was trusting wrong people. I needed honest good liberated people. I didn’t have a strong support system. I found that many people were struggling around me. They didn’t care like I cared.
I started doing Hatha yoga and found centering and peace through that. I always read astrology since I was an early teen and received guidance from that. I watched to find needed soul teachers.
I don’t identify with that tribe of highly functional walking wounded as intently as I may have in the past, However I’ve always been super introspective.. and of course a former Cannabis user..and it helped me find my way. I was always an introvert which helped me self examine and go inward..
It saved my life. God or El, saved my life
.I worked long days and nights on examining many things different studies different groups all leading to a higher love.. self liberation or soul liberation As you say, is a wonderful feeling -heart place mind place to be in and experience.. My question is: Can we stay in that Mental state of nirvana or heaven and that loving heart space more often than not?.
I’m way better than I used to be but of course suffer with certain personal insecurities still, from time to time. Which causes anxiety..
Many things have happened in my life to create trust issues, however thanks to God, I surrendered to good and live by the code. I’m super grateful for people that are sent or that I’m directed to in life, life has become exciting and fun again.. previous outside people.who I should have run from, who barged into my private world (ex: mean girls who bullied me in early high school days and certain relationships that ended painfully in the early college days).really messed with me, until I realized that we were exact collisions that were obviously suppose to happen; a hard lesson to learn together…
Why I ask? Why did I have to build this strong inner core through so many disappointing interactions?
.i am grateful for good people in my life today
Such as yourself.
Thank you
Such wisdom Anjule. You ask 2 important questions, which are very related:
1) Can we stay in that Mental state of nirvana or heaven and that loving heart space more often than not?
2) Why did I have to build this strong inner core through so many disappointing interactions?
Let’s go with the 2nd one first. These “lessons” we encounter are why we’re put on this Earth. As the French priest, Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (who was nearly thrown out of the Catholic church – BTW for his sentiments around Soul) said, “We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” It’s these interactions you speak of that present us the lessons that bring us closer to our Soul IF we wish to go there.
Your other question: “Can we stay in that Mental state of nirvana or heaven and that loving heart space more often than not?” We can AND it takes practice. The Emotional Liberation method that I teach and guide is the most efficient and effective approach that I have found. We can spend years (decades) turning over every rock looking for answers to how we can get in the flow more often and stay in the flow. This is what saints and mystics have accomplished. This is not to mean there will never be life situation “lessons” that come up and slap them in the face like they do us. But they have practiced and know how to return to the “flow” state quickly and efficiently. We can have this also by getting in touch with our emotions. Being and staying in the flow is Heaven on Earth.
Question for you, you describe yourself as a “former” cannabis used. Can you please say more? With Love, Becca