I have a friend who by any measure of success has “made it”. He’s an acclaimed authority in his field; he makes good money and others clamor to work with him.
Yet, he feels as if he’s never caught-up. As a perfectionist he’s nose to the grindstone working nights and weekends but seldom claims victories.
Are there shades of this in you? If so, you may have a form of depression, what’s called cold depression, and it’s the opposite of what we normally imagine depression to be.
If someone would have asked me years ago if I suffered from depression, my unequivocal answer would have been, “no” …because my stereotypical assumption, perhaps like yours, was that depression is going into a fog and doing nothing. That form of depression – the one that we know so well – is rampant in our society.
And at the same time, there’s another form of depression that I believe is just as prevalent as the classic “going inward” depression we know of. I want to tell you more about this and if you recognize this “hamster on the wheel” existence and want to get off of it, I have a way for you to do that.
So, let me tell you a little about me… I was pretty successful in what I used to do. I was an executive TV news producer, I did on-air work too, and worked with National Public Radio. And no matter how well I did, in my own mind, I never did well enough – there was always something that I could have done better or I believed I messed up in someway and had to compensate for. So, there was always a voice in my head, that Inner critic, that brought out the metaphorical stick so I could beat myself with it. It’s a miserable way to live and maybe you can identify… if so, drop down to the comments section and let me know.
Truly, the Secret Emotion
So now, as an educator and guide who specializes in emotional recovery, I know this emotion as “Cold Depression,” …Cold Depression. What is cold depression? This is a form of resistance to Depression where instead of going into that fog, we push harder, we over-stimulate and keep running away from feelings and situations we do not want to look at or address.
Now, in our culture, this is easy to do because working really hard, being driven, always busy – is seen as positive, even celebrated. That’s why I call this Cold Depression the secret emotion. And I want to bring it out of the closet for you because I see this workaholism all around me… and it’s up-close-and-personal because it’s what I used to do.
I suffered from Cold Depression, and I can’t say enough about the importance of recognizing it. I realize now I was depressed but, instead of shutting down in despair, as those who do in the classic form of depression, I went hyper to try outrunning it and not feeling that awful darkness. See, it was about a deep sense of unworthiness and I couldn’t bring myself to go inward to look at myself and release my negative self-image.
Instead, I charged outward, pushing hard to prove myself in a futile effort to gain acceptance and validation. Futile because, and you may identify with this, I subconsciously thought so little of myself, that no matter how successful I was out there, it would never register in here. Now, once I began learning how to untangle myself from these emotions and releasing the trauma that underpinned them, I learned a new way of living.
Yum! Inner Self-Mastery
Does that knot of troubling emotions sound familiar? If you’re ready to begin developing an Inner self-mastery to create a new way of living, I have something that might be a perfect fit for you. Starting soon, we’ll be going deep into this emotions work – an acclaimed program of Self-Discovery. You’ll spend time exploring your past, connecting to your core Self, nourishing your body, your mind, your Soul, discovering what you really desire and strengthening (or creating!) connection to your Higher Power.
Of course, you also have the option of exploring and experimenting – under my careful clinical guidance and experienced counseling – with certain plant medicines that are embraced in their role as both nervous system support and energy medicine for Awakening to your true Self. Capital “S”.
The exploration of Depression, whether it’s the classic form or Cold Depression that you’re wrestling with, you’ll also have the opportunity in a very safe, on-going private group environment to become clear on patterns and beliefs that keep you stuck and small. And, importantly, begin healing the wounds of earlier trauma and release these toxic coping mechanisms. You’ll learn how to transform your emotional states, and, in turn, your relationships and your life.
We’re all built for recovery, we just gotta know how to do it
Do you want to learn? I’m introducing my newest online courses where you can explore how to escape the grip of your difficult emotions. (And if “cold depression” sounds familiar to you, this is perfect for you.) I invite you to simply go here to get updates, details and discounts.
Maybe talk to you soon.
With Love,
Becca
P.S. Also – If you’re drawn to the idea of releasing these difficult emotions, I want to invite you to join us in Portugal for my upcoming retreat this October, 2024! It’s sure to be a profound odyssey into the deepest realms of your heart. Besides, I can’t wait to show you the magic of my newly adopted country!
This speaks to me. Is my ambition really a “cold depression? Could it be that this what I feed and nurture with constant striving to better myself and be an example to others with? Is this what props me up and what I use to feel superior to others? Do I want to lose this?
Loring, this is a pivotal question in our awakening: What is my ambition/drive fueled by? Is it that I must earn approval (as humans we are always looking for ways to seek approval and avoid rejection) or are we drawn to doing what we do because it strokes our soul?
When we’ve done the challenging inner work to shed the layers of “false masks” that have subconsciously driven our need for approval (and, as you note, often trying to feel superior to others in the measure of our accomplishments) then everything becomes very simple. For me, back in the day, I craved the feeling of being “superior to others”. Why? Because, my mind told me that if I accomplished this “superiority”, maybe then I could earn the love that I so desperately sought. Of course, that’s a false belief – and this is where the “cold depression ” comes in … trying over-and-over again to fill me up on the inside by earning the attention and validity of others on the outside.
It never works because, until we do the work to dig deep to find our True Self, we will always be beggars seeking validation from the outside: “Will you love me? 🫣” “Will you love me? 🫣”
When we can say, “It doesn’t matter who loves me because I’m learning to love myself” then we can start becoming clear on what is meaningful to us and pursue it with a crystalline passion. When we work toward this, there’s nothing to lose except our behavior of trying to please others.
I can definitely relate to cold depression. I like the term as well. Thank you for this
Gina, I hear you! 💚 Back in the day when I was struggling with cold depression, I found it such a relief to put a name to this obsessive need to “perform”.