“Hey, you don’t smell bad for a fat person!” … that’s a descriptive example of the kind of “humor” called sarcasm that’s designed to cut or give pain. You may have one or two (or more!) family members who spew this kind of toxic crap. And with the coming of the holidays, I have a few choice tips in this week’s blog to help equip you:

So the bite of Sarcasm comes in 3 different sizes … Small, medium and large. When I was a little kid growing up in a really dysfunctional and toxic family environment, my stepfather’s nickname for me was “The Big Idiot”. “The Big Idiot.” That is the height of the cruelty of sarcasm directed at a person … a little kid, right? If I were queen, that kind of sarcasm would be illegal with a high penalty.

So Maybe there was or IS someone in your family like that – to a greater or lessor extent – using that kind of ugly sense of humor. Maybe you even find yourself doing it.

As a child, it was devastating. To this day, I find myself questioning my intelligence. I mean I’m a pretty smart person – smart and wise actually but it’s the echo of that old Inner critic from back in the day. I recognize it now and am able to move it through with the Emotional Liberation formula I that teach and coach.

Having said all that, you may be walking into that kind of environment coming up. During the year, you can kind of make excuses not to see those people. But the holidays – you get painted in a corner.

So here’s my best advice to you:

Go in prepared to be VERY AWARE … this will keep you from being sucked in and triggered. It’s like you’re watching yourself in a movie.

Uncle Bob or Cousin Ida may make some cutting sarcastic remark – maybe aimed at you. If you’re aware, you’re gonna be very present. And more able to say something like and get ready for it: “Uncle Bob, I think you’re a great guy … but what you just said doesn’t feel good.”

And then let it land. If there’s silence, stay with it. Uncle Bob may hem and haw, but just stay pleasant.

Sarcasm is a difficult line to walk because many people who wrestle with feelings of unworthiness can feel shamed when a sarcastic remark is aimed at them – even in fun. The point of sarcasm is stab you with a smile. And if you’re the one who dishes it out, now’s a good time to practice that awareness and be very ware of what you’re saying and doing. You can even ask your partner to keep an eye out. And let you know later if you were sarcastic toward someone.

In the end, It is better to stay away from sarcasm altogether and if we’re gonna “rib” someone do it to yourself thru self-deprecating humor.

Talk about yourself – make fun of yourself.

As I teach the language of emotions, Sarcasm, is a form of Anger. The person is angry and this is a repressive way to express it – repressive … as in sneaky way of letting it out. But the thing is people who do this are usually not in touch with why they’re angry or don’t possess the ability to skillfully communicate their needs. Anger is a sign of unattended feelings that continually nag at the person. What we want to do is be in touch with them.

What do you think about all this? What’s your experiences with sarcasm? Are you on the receiving end or the giving end? Scroll down and leave a comment for me – I look forward to hearing from you. I’m Becca and I’m here for you and with you.