Even though I just started documenting my awareness of the comparing and self-body shaming I do, I’m seeing that often my attention is focused on the figures of other women.
Now that, in and of itself, is benign but it’s the cascade of thoughts associated with my observations.
For instance, last week, I noticed a very fit, slim, and beautiful waitperson at a restaurant where Ron and I were dining. My first thought was admiration – it’s incredible how poised and radiant she looked.
But almost immediately, other thoughts followed: “I never look that good in slacks.” “My posture is so hunched.” “I wish I was more graceful.”
As I noticed this spiral (because I’m now a detective for identifying and deconstructing my body shaming), they led to feelings of inadequacy and frustration with my own (aging) body.
Of course, it’s not just at restaurants. Walking down the street, scrolling through social media, even watching TV– everywhere, it feels like there’s a comparison waiting to be made. I see I often fixate on what my body “isn’t” and often let those comparisons dictate how I feel about myself.
But here’s the thing: comparison is a thief. It robs us of appreciating our own unique strengths and beauty. Importantly, it distracts us from the joy of living in the present moment. I don’t want to waste any more energy on wishing to look like someone else when I can be celebrating myself.
This isn’t easy, of course. Shifting these life-long ingrained habits requires mindfulness and self-compassion. So with this entry, I’m starting small in regard to this self-body shaming: when I catch myself comparing, I’ll work on gently redirecting my thoughts. Instead of sizing up myself in a comparison, I can focus on gratitude for what my own body does for me.
For example, when I find myself admiring someone else’s toned arms, instead of thinking, “I really need to work on the flab of my upper arms” I can go beyond the visuals and remind myself of the strength in my own arms – how they help me carry groceries, reach for something on the top shelf, or support myself in a push-up.
Wow, that’ll take some getting used to as the visual comparisons are so ingrained!
It feels weird in learning to treat myself with the kindness I easily extend to others.
Yet this “enforced” self-awareness (in calling out myself) could be the beginning of a meaningful step toward a more compassionate and balanced relationship with myself. Let’s see!
Where do you stand with your impressions of your own body? – Or maybe you’ve already made this journey and have some insights to offer? I invite you to drop down to the comments section and let me know!
With Love,
Becca
P.S. Self-compassion is a journey, and speaking of journeys, I’m hosting two short, affordable and potent retreats this May to help you deepen this practice and reconnect with yourself. Here are the details of these 3-day sacred medicine retreats. Email me with questions and I’ll answer you personally: Becca@EmotionalLib.org
Hi Becca,
I have been doing one of your practices (most frequently on the emotion of fear) daily since unfortunately missing the live Solstice ceremony. I have been contemplating alot on my experiences in body, thought-emotions, the past and other exposures.
I want to say you are the healthiest in a Whole person perspective of anyone I know or have observed, of any chronological age. My thoughts on comparison have changed considerably. I feel perceptions based on outward appeareances in our species are primarily individual and culturally subjective and have varied greatly over time. Whole being health to me is factual, experiential and primarily created through personal dedication and efforts. As you say in the Solstice practice (which I have done the recording of and love), we must to do the work to receive the benefits. I am continually learning there is a reciprocity in all relationships.
Thank you again for your kind, life enhancing (and sometimes considerably challenging if we go all in ! 🙂 practices of Emotional Liberation.
Peace…Michael
You left me laughing with that last comment about the practices … “and sometimes considerably challenging if we go all in!”
They CAN BE considerably challenging. For me as a teacher, it’s a tough medium to land on because I want people to get the full benefits but I don’t want to turn them off either. I often forego movements with arms in the air unless they’re so potent that they NEED to be done to move the energy blocks through and profoundly change how a participant feels!
Thank you for your acknowledgment. I am so blessed to have people like you in my orbit, who are on their own “awakening” journeys. You’re awakening, I’m awakening – alongside countless others – and we each find ourselves at different points on this continuum. If I can offer value through the lessons I’ve learned and the insights I can share, then I feel I am contributing to this collective growth. Together, we are building a web of understanding, compassion, and connection, helping to lift one another as we evolve.