As I shared last week on my 69th birthday, I’m embarking on an experiment this year: cataloging all the ways I engage in my own body shaming. Criticizing myself for how I look – or how I believe others perceive me – remains one of the last persistent and nagging patterns that hasn’t caught up with my emotional growth and maturity.
Even admitting this is embarrassing (but damn it, I’m putting it out there) because, as an emotions therapist, I teach people how to recognize, process, and release their difficult emotions. I’m embracing the fact that as an emotions educator, I don’t have to be perfect, or perhaps better said, I don’t have to pretend to be perfect! Regardless, this is a good time to declare my own personal challenge with accepting my aging body… and learning to love it.
Reclaiming My Worth Beyond Appearance
Personally, I’ve come a long way releasing a lot of heavy trauma, underpinned by crippling anxiety, depression, and self-doubt. But shaking this body shaming thing is an assignment that I’m now putting on the front burner.
All my life I leaned on my beauty – in my early adolescence, along about 14 or 15, I realized I had “some pretty” that I could capitalize on. This was important because the message sent to me by my parents was that I was essentially worthless and not very smart (even though I excelled in school). My stepfather’s nickname for me was “the big idiot.” He, himself, a pathetic man, I know now, said these things to make himself feel better by diminishing the sweet, precocious little girl I was. But of course, I didn’t know that back then.
When Beauty Becomes Both Armor and Cage
So, as a young woman, my looks were my most valuable currency – the one thing I could cling to in a world that seemed determined to diminish me. That’s the short of it and I’ll talk more about it as we go along. It’s complicated – I entered the world of television news and became an on-air news anchor. I love writing and I’m a solid reporter but this high profile role served to reinforce the emphasis on my appearance as a measure of my value, often overshadowing my skills and talents.
I did go on to graduate work in nutrition and became a clinical nutritionist and registered dietitian. But I never fully bucked the deeply ingrained belief that my worth was tied to how I look. Despite my accomplishments, the shadow of that early messaging lingers, influencing how I view myself and my place in the world.
So, of course, I have an understanding of the why… the root cause. But like so many, knowing the “why” doesn’t automatically make it easier to break free from the deeply rooted patterns and beliefs that have shaped us for so long. Letting go of entrenched habits like body shaming requires consistent effort, and deliberate practice. And this assignment over the next year is going to keep me accountable to just that!
So let’s count this as week one – and call it my origin story. And if what I bring up here has sparked some thoughts for you, I invite you to drop down to the comments section and let me know.
With love,
Becca
P.S. I know for both women and men, our culture is relentless in molding our perceptions of body image, constantly pressuring us to believe we must conform to unrealistic standards of looking a certain way to be valued or accepted. Have you found yourself swept into this thinking? Really, let me know in the comments section.
Happy Birthday Becca and welcome to 69! I’m there too and aside from its scary proximity to, gulp, 70 — its just another year to celebrate being alive— in 2025🙏
Betsy! ❤️ I agree – celebrating every year (every day!) gives us the opportunity to grow into our fullest potential and shed all the sh#t that no longer serves us!
Hi Becca,
It certainly seems profound how conditioned we become by our society in this way and how then the cycle continues with our emotions and behaviors. I have sometimes thought what it would be like to live in a society with no mirrors. No concept of what we look like except others responses and ours to them.
Peace,
Michael
Oooh, a society with no mirrors! As you suggest, our identity would be shaped entirely through relationships and reflections in others, emphasizing connection over self-image – that’d be a profound shift from appearance to essence. Maybe in a parallel universe? 🪐