So is this you?
You’re going along and you do something that you think makes you look idiotic or dumb or unprofessional. You’re embarrassed because this thing has happened… and usually your “inner critic” tells you how idiotic or dumb or unprofessional you looked. And then, in a flash, it reminds you – why would anybody want to have anything to do with you because you have just proved (again!) how idiotic or dumb or unprofessional you really are.
Often the embarrassment is so heavy that you wish the Earth would open up and swallow you – or at least transport you to somewhere else (any place will do as long as it’s not here, not now).
And then to complete the cycle, the inner critic adds this nasty little flourish: “You really need to prove yourself now? How are you ever going to do that? Better get going!”
This is the Typical Cycle of Embarrassment
This is usually the typical cycle when we’re wrestling with a sense of unworthiness: “I’m not good enough,” “I’m less or inferior in some way,” “I’m not deserving.” I know this well from back in the day when I wrestled with difficult emotions. To say the least, it felt awful.
All of this flashed before my very eyes in a very personal way last week. I hosted an online event that you might have attended (Advanced Techniques to Strengthen Your Mind, Brain and Nervous System).
It was a tangle of tech hiccups. To begin, my Zoom crashed about 20-minutes into the event (right after we welcomed and acknowledged our cannabis – at least we were all in a great frame of mind 😜).
Nonetheless, I sat perplexed not knowing what to do – sitting for what felt like a looooooong time on a blank and inert Zoom page. I reentered and thank god for small favors, my attendees were waiting for me!
Then, if you’ve been with me for any of my online gatherings, you know that we move with a very focused approach (the cannabis helps with that) into a series of practices that I curate especially for the featured event. In this case, it was focused on nervous system strengthening.
The Special Addition that Blew Up in My Face
I had prepared something very special for this event – I had recorded a 5-minute breathe opening practice – produced with my voice and music – so that I could sit and do it with everybody else in the “Zoom room”! Get us off to rollicking start! …Or so I thought.
In fact, the computer audio had dropped because of the Zoom crash. So, unbeknownst to me, as I sat cross legged on the floor in meditation listening to my recorded voice and music, I was the only one who could hear the directions and the music!