When you love yourself and do embarrassing things

So is this you?

You’re going along and you do something that you think makes you look idiotic or dumb or unprofessional. You’re embarrassed because this thing has happened… and usually your “inner critic” tells you how idiotic or dumb or unprofessional you looked. And then, in a flash, it reminds you – why would anybody want to have anything to do with you because you have just proved (again!) how idiotic or dumb or unprofessional you really are.

Often the embarrassment is so heavy that you wish the Earth would open up and swallow you – or at least transport you to somewhere else (any place will do as long as it’s not here, not now).

And then to complete the cycle, the inner critic adds this nasty little flourish: “You really need to prove yourself now? How are you ever going to do that? Better get going!”

This is the Typical Cycle of Embarrassment 

This is usually the typical cycle when we’re wrestling with a sense of unworthiness: “I’m not good enough,” “I’m less or inferior in some way,” “I’m not deserving.”  I know this well from back in the day when I wrestled with difficult emotions. To say the least, it felt awful.

All of this flashed before my very eyes in a very personal way last week. I hosted an online event that you might have attended (Advanced Techniques to Strengthen Your Mind, Brain and Nervous System).

It was a tangle of tech hiccups. To begin, my Zoom crashed about 20-minutes into the event (right after we welcomed and acknowledged our cannabis – at least we were all in a great frame of mind 😜).

Nonetheless, I sat perplexed not knowing what to do – sitting for what felt like a looooooong time on a blank and inert Zoom page. I reentered and thank god for small favors, my attendees were waiting for me!

Then, if you’ve been with me for any of my online gatherings, you know that we move with a very focused approach (the cannabis helps with that) into a series of practices that I curate especially for the featured event. In this case, it was focused on nervous system strengthening.

The Special Addition that Blew Up in My Face  

I had prepared something very special for this event – I had recorded a 5-minute breathe opening practice – produced with my voice and music – so that I could sit and do it with everybody else in the “Zoom room”!  Get us off to rollicking start! …Or so I thought.

In fact, the computer audio had dropped because of the Zoom crash. So, unbeknownst to me, as I sat cross legged on the floor in meditation listening to my recorded voice and music, I was the only one who could hear the directions and the music!

That’s right, for about 5-minutes, if you were with me, you were left watching me in silence sitting, doing nothing with my eyes closed. I sat there the entire time meditating (it was lovely) and only discovered what I had done once the practice was over and I returned to lead the rest of the hour.

It was only then that the chat was blowing up with comments that there was no audio, no voice, no music. Just the sight of me sitting, meditating. Ha!

That is Why Embarrassment is Very Much on my Mind this Week 

At another time in my life before I learned how to heal myself from troubling emotions and the trauma that underpinned it, I would have spiraled through that Cycle of Embarrassment without mercy. The shame might have been with me for days.

That’s why emerging from that event with a sense of calm, centered clarity allowed me to see how far I’ve come. It was an opportunity for acknowledging my strong emotional resiliency and the skills I use to navigate potential triggers.

“Sometimes I’m Brilliant and Sometimes I’m an Idiot”  

As I remind my clients and students, our assignment is to embrace all of ourselves… and that means both the light and the shadow. Or in other words, as I like to put it, our brilliant side and our idiot side.

“Sometimes I’m brilliant and sometimes I’m an idiot.” And when you’ve learned to heal and silence the Inner critic, by increasing your Self-Love, you simply accept that you do embarrassing things – and that they are weaved into the tapestry of your life – along with those ribbons of brilliance.

If you struggle with cycles of embarrassment, consider joining me for our 8-week Emotional Expansion “Spring of Your Awakening” starting April 6th. Two glorious months of learning how to make your emotions your best ally. You can register here to get details and early pricing. And if you have questions, simply hit “reply” and let me know.

Oh and BTW, I got some lovely feedback from attendees who said the tech tricks didn’t matter. See below 🙂

With Love,

Becca

“I enjoyed Sat nite’s session in spite of the technical difficulties and I am so not surprised how you recovered from these and moved on like the true warrior you are.  I would have been saying some most un-yogi-like things if I had been in your place!”

– D.

“Always amazed at how well it works.” 

– J.

“Even with the glitches I found it very powerful. I felt very clear after the practice and continue to feel that way today.” 

– T.

“I want to thank you very much for the wonderful workshop. Nevermind the technical issues, it all worked out. :)”

– J.