I get letters: how can I feel more empathy?

I often get letters from folks sharing their experiences and asking questions. This correspondence can offer spectacular insights and musings that answer questions that many others have on their mind. So I’m sharing this one with you today…

Hello Becca,

I have nothing to pass on, let alone teach. I’ve built up a spirituality through various fragments of observations here and there. 

The core principles I live by are simple: respect for all living beings and a mindset of learning through observation. But I struggle to connect with people whose behavior deeply disgusts me even though I believe that every soul needs to go through their own experiences to grow and evolve.

Having said that, empathy is a problem for me, and I admire you for having so much of it. Reaching out to others, adorned only with your humanity, is still a huge hurdle for me. This makes me very sad because I know it leaves me with an incomplete sense of self-awareness. So I listen to you and I try… to accept it, but… I lack determination again and again.

I appreciate any insights you can offer,

Bubble

Hi Bubble, thanks for your openness and honesty. Recognizing where you struggle is a courageous step, and it shows your commitment to growth.

It sounds like you’re grappling with a common human challenge: the balance between maintaining your own principles and engaging with others whose behavior you find difficult to accept. Let’s break this down and explore some practical steps you can take.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: It's okay to feel disgust or discomfort. These feelings are signals that can help you understand your boundaries and values. Acknowledging them without judgment is the first step towards managing them. In other words, don't beat yourself up – doing the work to see things in a new way is a process.

2. Practice Self-Compassion: You mentioned feeling sad and lacking determination. Be kind to yourself. Personal growth is not linear, and it's okay to have setbacks. Treat yourself with the same empathy you admire in others.

3. Small Steps Towards Empathy: Empathy doesn't mean you have to condone or accept behaviors that conflict with your values. It means recognizing that everyone has their own journey. Start small – try to understand one aspect of their experience without focusing on the behavior that disgusts you. What might be driving their actions? This can help you build a bridge of understanding without compromising your principles.

4. Mindful Observation: Use your strength of learning through observation. When you find yourself judging someone, take a step back and observe your reactions. What are the triggers? What's setting you off? This practice can give you insights into your own emotional responses and help you manage them better.

5. Set Boundaries: It's essential to protect your well-being. Setting clear boundaries with people whose behavior you find intolerable is a form of self-respect. It doesn't mean you're shutting them out completely; it means you're preserving your own energy and peace.

6. Embrace Imperfection: No one has all the answers, and everyone is on a journey of self-improvement. Accepting that you're a work in progress can be liberating. Celebrate small victories and be patient with yourself.

Remember, the goal isn’t to become perfect but to pursue growth. Your awareness of these challenges and your willingness to address them are already significant steps forward.

With Love,

Becca

P.S. Maybe you can relate to Bubble and long to amplify your ability to tap into the flow of your emotions and inner knowing to guide all your decisions. If so, I invite you to go here to put yourself on the interest list for my upcoming master courses.