This is the 2nd week installment of my mission over 52 weeks (all of 2025) to uncover the countless ways I catch myself judging my appearance – or how I imagine others might judge me. This week: Thigh gap phobia. In earlier years, it use to be a morning ritual. I’d get out of bed, stand up, put my legs together and look down to see if I had “space” between my thighs – that coveted thigh gap.
Even though I just started documenting my awareness of the comparing and self-body shaming I do, I’m seeing that often my attention is focused on the figures of other women. Now that, in and of itself, is benign but it’s the cascade of thoughts associated with my observations.
I’ve had a strange compulsion since Trump won the White House – I’m drawn to dystopian films and series. And, at the same time, I find myself reflecting deeply on what can be done when faced with overwhelming societal challenges.
Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh was asked, “Aren’t you worried about the state of the world?” “I allowed my self to breathe,” he answered. “And then I said, ‘What is most important is not to allow your anxiety about what happens in the world to fill your heart.'”
I follow what’s going on in the world of psychedelics very closely – as I believe that these medicines, when used with precision and care, can be an immense “assist” in a variety of ways. (They’re a tool in my work – but by no means the whole enchilada.)
I was flabbergasted – it was almost beyond belief. Last week, the New York Times recited a litany of horror stories about cannabis causing severe health issues. The article, As America’s Marijuana Use Grows, So Do the Harms (I’ve gifted the link so you can read it, in case you missed it) presented accounts from doctors, researchers, health officials and, most importantly, the people who take cannabis as a medicine for countless health issues, including anxiety and depression, migraines, relief from painful symptoms of cancer and AIDS (all mentioned in the NYT story).
Back in the day, anxiety was the wallpaper and furnishings of my mind. I (somehow) soldiered through, but living in anxiety was a way of life for me. I’d panic in social situations, I’d worry about upcoming events (that paranoid feeling of suspicion and mistrust of people or their actions without evidence or justification), and I’d ruminate – focusing on repetitive thoughts of catastrophe.
I’m still sick as I write this – well maybe more high than sick since I took a WHOLE gummy to sleep. But now, I have a little energy and strength to focus and sit up. Until the sleep kicks-in. Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself. Last week I hopped on a plane to Holland to attend a 3-day psychedelic science conference.
What’s been coming up for you lately? Are you ruminating or obsessing about something that you can’t seem to shake? Well, I have some good medicine for that. We just completed my latest 30-day masterclass course on how to manage your difficult emotions. With that in mind, I want to share this practice with you – it gets to the heart of what’s knocking loudest on your head.
I have a friend who by any measure of success has “made it”. He’s an acclaimed authority in his field; he makes good money and others clamor to work with him.
Yet, he feels as if he’s never caught-up. As a perfectionist he’s nose to the grindstone working nights and weekends but seldom claims victories.
Are there shades of this in you? If so, you may have a form of depression, what’s called cold depression, that’s the opposite of what we normally imagine depression to be.