Mind the (thigh) gap! Being 69-ish

This is the 2nd week installment of my mission over 52 weeks (all of 2025) to uncover the countless ways I catch myself judging my appearance – or how I imagine others might judge me. This week: Thigh gap phobia. In earlier years, it use to be a morning ritual. I’d get out of bed, stand up, put my legs together and look down to see if I had “space” between my thighs – that coveted thigh gap.

The bodies of beautiful others

Even though I just started documenting my awareness of the comparing and self-body shaming I do, I’m seeing that often my attention is focused on the figures of other women. Now that, in and of itself, is benign but it’s the cascade of thoughts associated with my observations.

My Naughty B-day: Can you say 69?

My assistant Carsey has a master’s degree in public health and used to teach a sex ed class. On the first day of class she would ask her high schoolers to name the dirtiest sex word they knew (a very clever gauge to find out their knowledge level). The most common answer, she laughs, was always “69.”

I get letters: how can I feel more empathy?

I often get letters from folks sharing their experiences and asking questions. This correspondence can offer spectacular insights and musings that answer questions that many others have on their mind. So I’m sharing this one with you today…

Secret Sauce for Intimate Relationships

Have you ever noticed how, after any number of years being together, we can say some pretty petty things to our intimate partners? Of course, intimate relationships mean that we’re going to be with that person through all kinds of moods – theirs and ours. So it’s not unusual, for instance, that my partner would … Read more

How to stir the pot of fun and play

When was the last time you had a heart-to-heart with someone about something meaningful to you? I don’t mean a one-sided conversation – but a heartfelt interaction with a person you value who was invested as much as you in the discussion. There might have been voice raising, tears, and emphatic gestures.

Are you a Hot House Flower too? 

I’ve been teased that I’m a delicate “hot house flower” given my distaste for the brisk waters of the northern Atlantic – even here in one of the southern most climes of Europe – the sunny warm Algarve.  At its warmest in southern Portugal, which is late summer and fall, the Atlantic water average soars … Read more