This body shaming thing is so insidious. Now, with my awareness in full gear, I see just how deep the self-shaming goes. The latest example was just last week when my executive assistant, Carsey, sent me a picture of myself and said, “Wow! I love this picture! Can we use it?” My response was immediate and visceral: “Old lady hand!” …shouting over our back-and-forth text messaging.
Sometimes it seems I live in a hall of mirrors where brilliant white light flashes back at me whenever someone opens their mouth and smiles. White, white, white teeth are everywhere!
And this observation is yet another one of my little (not so little?) comparing and contrasting to others. This is only my 3rd week installment to uncover the countless ways I catch myself judging my appearance – and much of it is sizing myself up to others.
This is the 2nd week installment of my mission over 52 weeks (all of 2025) to uncover the countless ways I catch myself judging my appearance – or how I imagine others might judge me. This week: Thigh gap phobia. In earlier years, it use to be a morning ritual. I’d get out of bed, stand up, put my legs together and look down to see if I had “space” between my thighs – that coveted thigh gap.
Even though I just started documenting my awareness of the comparing and self-body shaming I do, I’m seeing that often my attention is focused on the figures of other women. Now that, in and of itself, is benign but it’s the cascade of thoughts associated with my observations.
As I shared last week on my 69th birthday, I’m embarking on an experiment this year: cataloging all the ways I engage in my own body shaming. Criticizing myself for how I look – or how I believe others perceive me – remains one of the last persistent and nagging patterns that hasn’t caught up with my emotional growth and maturity.
My assistant Carsey has a master’s degree in public health and used to teach a sex ed class. On the first day of class she would ask her high schoolers to name the dirtiest sex word they knew (a very clever gauge to find out their knowledge level). The most common answer, she laughs, was always “69.”