Becca 
This is the 2nd week installment of my mission over 52 weeks (all of 2025) to uncover the countless ways I catch myself judging my appearance – or how I imagine others might judge me. This week: Thigh gap phobia. In earlier years, it use to be a morning ritual. I’d get out of bed, stand up, put my legs together and look down to see if I had “space” between my thighs – that coveted thigh gap.
Even though I just started documenting my awareness of the comparing and self-body shaming I do, I’m seeing that often my attention is focused on the figures of other women. Now that, in and of itself, is benign but it’s the cascade of thoughts associated with my observations.
I’ve had a strange compulsion since Trump won the White House – I’m drawn to dystopian films and series. And, at the same time, I find myself reflecting deeply on what can be done when faced with overwhelming societal challenges.
As I shared last week on my 69th birthday, I’m embarking on an experiment this year: cataloging all the ways I engage in my own body shaming. Criticizing myself for how I look – or how I believe others perceive me – remains one of the last persistent and nagging patterns that hasn’t caught up with my emotional growth and maturity.
My assistant Carsey has a master’s degree in public health and used to teach a sex ed class. On the first day of class she would ask her high schoolers to name the dirtiest sex word they knew (a very clever gauge to find out their knowledge level). The most common answer, she laughs, was always “69.”
I hear from many people about their view of meditation. The most common sentiment, especially among driven professionals, is that despite knowing the benefits, they struggle to slow down and sit for mindfulness meditation. Even guided meditation, where the narrative takes you somewhere calm and peaceful, like a walk in the woods, seems challenging for them. They get itchy and twitchy – and it makes sense.
There’s a lot more going on here than simply firing up the plant – but she’s a mighty potent friend when we want to go deep! Oh sure, I work with mushrooms too but when you simply want a powerful but simple session to release whatever is knocking loudest on your head, pair canna with my emotional release work and voila! – you launch yourself into a different zone of being. I call it an exquisite state of being.
This is a little off-topic from my usual letters, but – not really – as you’ll see. I invite you to just keep reading. The week after the presidential election, Ron and I got a lot of comments (along with assorted emoticons!) in emails from friends. I guess you could say it was in a congratulatory vein.
I’m not a big fan of commercial holidays – think Valentine’s, or Mother’s and Father’s Day where you’re made to feel obligated to “honor” a loved one. In fact, I always like to honor people close to me without an “enforced” holiday nipping at my heels – forcing me into doing it.
Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh was asked, “Aren’t you worried about the state of the world?” “I allowed my self to breathe,” he answered. “And then I said, ‘What is most important is not to allow your anxiety about what happens in the world to fill your heart.'”