Jessica is in her late 40’s and has a rough-and-tumble relationship with her adult kids.
They keep her at arms-length. They’re often short with her and don’t share what’s going on in their lives.
As their mom, Jessica’s desperate for connection with them and finds herself groveling for their attention and love.
She’s also racked with guilt because she’s a completely different person than she was when she raised them. All these many years later, she recognizes the error of her ways. She’s done the tough work to explore and heal from the trauma that had created her self-limiting patterns and beliefs that sabotaged her close relationships.

If you’re a mom or a dad of adult kids, does this sound familiar? 

As adults we do the best we can with what we have and what we were taught ourselves as children. Perhaps, as a child, you remember a parent or other caregiver whose emotions could turn on a dime and you were forever on edge as to which side would emerge… would you be loved-up or pushed away (or worse)?

If you never learned how to create intimate, loving, connecting relationships, how are you magically going to step up and raise your own kids when your toolbox is empty of these skills?
Instead, the unhealthy behaviors – moodiness, explosive anger, deep sadness, heightened anxiety and low self-esteem are what are passed-along and laid on them instead. Tragically, the “close” relationships we long to create, end up being alienating and years later these adult kids put up walls to keep that hurtful energy out, while often finding unhealthy coping mechanisms for themselves.
Of course, you don’t recognize this unless you do the work to transform your own life – where you’re no longer a slave to those unruly and difficult emotions that ran you in earlier years. But your kids don’t know (or trust) that you will be a different way with them.

I see parents spinning their wheels trying to have a “re-do” with their now adult kids 

So where do you go from here? Do you sentence yourself to your own personal hell believing that it’s all your fault and you deserve the cold shoulder and ill temperaments?
It’s a question that many of my clients and students put on the table as their emotional healing reveals a sharper view of their former unhealthy behaviors. But as they come to understand the trauma that underpinned their actions, self-forgiveness and self-love come into sharp focus. And it’s these ingredients that form the foundation for moving forward with the authentic intention of healing their close relationships.

Is there a happy ending to this story?

There can be a happy ending for you… that is releasing yourself from the hell you thought you deserved. As you do the work to reveal your TRUE SELF to your self, you come to understand that you now know what you didn’t know back then. And know that you can do now what you couldn’t do back then, which is to handle and make similar situations okay now that weren’t okay back then. That’s a mouthful, maybe read it twice;)

When you transform and shed the emotions that have been controlling you, you are ready to open a new chapter in your relationship with your adult kids. Will they respond to your entreaty? There’s no guarantee… the only guarantee will be that you will be a happier, healthier and more loving person. And with that role modeling, miracles can happen.
This is what we do in my 8-week Emotional Expansion Masterclass Courses. There’s one coming up in July/August. If you’d like to learn about it and get more information, I invite you to go here.
And if you have thoughts or questions on this, hit reply and let me know!
With Love,
Becca