The hip term these days for people not getting back to you is “flaking out” or just “flaking.” As in, “We had a couple dates and then they flaked on me.” Another slang that’s come through the dating door is “ghosting,” which ratchets up flaking, where the person just mostly disappears.
But this isn’t about just dating – it’s about people in all kinds of other relationships with us… professional, family, friends.
Make no mistake about it, this behavior is as old as the hills
Well, that’s not to say I’m as old as the hills 😜 But when I was a 2 or 3 year-old kid, my parents got divorced. Dad moved cross country and settled in a small town where he got remarried and had a son. In the days long before “joint custody,” he had custody of me during the summers. So he’d come and get me, take me to his new home for 3 or 4 weeks then return me to Mom. I wouldn’t hear from him again until my birthday in December. I’d get a card, some money and books. Two “touches” a year.
If you applied the term back then, Dad, did, in fact, “ghost” me. As a result of the years-long disappearing act, my juvenile mind buzzed with rationales… but always interpreted as: “For some reason, I wasn’t good enough and didn’t deserve to have more attention from him.”
“If only I could discover how to make him want me,” the little girl (in me) imagined, “I’d get the attention (hence, love) that I so badly wanted.”
Maybe you recognize a kernel of your experience in my childhood story?
Perhaps less intense but still traumatically impactful? Maybe your parents or caregivers were busy and distracted with their work or their own pain – and couldn’t give you the attention and love you so longed for. To this day, you may have an antenna for feeling marginalized or ignored (hello flaking and ghosting!).
People ghosting or “flaking out” on me can be a trigger even now (“what did I do to cause this?”). Maybe they don’t return texts, phone calls or emails or avoid having clarifying conversations – despite earlier experiences that seemed cordial and grounded.
However, the “trigger” is now weak and distant – more like a pang. With the Emotional Liberation® work I’ve personally done, I no longer question my sense of worthiness and value. I don’t have to yell and scream and jump up-and-down to get attention and seek approval. This is because I understand and accept my value, and ghosting and flaking by others doesn’t matter much. Oh yes, we need relationships to help us grow – so we want to invite healthy constructive feedback that can help us reset certain behaviors that are no longer serving our way in the world.
But if you’re experiencing a pattern of people coming into your life who are flaking out or ghosting you, it may be time to look at letting them go. Often, their avoidance of interacting or having a heart-to-heart conversation with you is a great sign that you are no longer a vibrational match with them.
When people work with me, they learn the value of having heart-to-heart “difficult conversations,” a conscious leadership term for when you need to speak your Truth. Most likely, if you are still reading this, you are on your own path of Awakening. It’s vital that the Inner work you do is integrated out into the world – into your relationships.
Adulting Adventure with Active Meditation & Cannabis Plant Medicine
Come and explore with me your Inner world so that you can clarify what needs to be changed in your life.
I teach and guide it. It’s effective and efficient for releasing difficult emotions of all kinds.
If you’re being drawn to exploring a new way of living I invite you to try this out.
I call it: “Adulting Adventure” – yes you need to be 21+ to join us but “adulting” also means you’re at a place in your life where you’re asking “How do I make sense of it all?” You have all the answers inside of you and that’s where we go during our time together – a deep dive that will put you in touch with your Higher Self to meet and release what’s knocking loudest on your head. It’s my gift to our awakening community.
Our gatherings are a safe and nurturing environment where we can be ourselves and feel welcomed among like-minded others. It’s the best – as it gets so tiring pretending that we’re not feeling what we’re feeling. We gotta feel it so that we can release it.
If you haven’t connected with me yet to register for Thursday night’s gathering here’s the link. (If you have, you’re set to go!)
Make sure you create a comfy private place for yourself and have your cannabis by your side if you’ll be partaking.