Life as a recovering “approval seeker”
Having personally explored this, I trace my “salty language” period to a desperate need to impress, to shock, to standout as someone who was smart, cheeky and obviously worthy of the attention of the “cool people.”
As human beings, our primal and tribal ego default is to seek approval and avoid rejection. But seeking approval and avoiding rejection is exhausting and futile. When we do this, we’re not ourselves; we’re pretending to be somebody who we believe will draw people to like and approve of us. I did this for much of my life. Did I mention it’s exhausting and futile? And it’s the origin of much of our out-of-control societal anxiety: “If you/they don’t like me, I’ll be a failure, unworthy of respect or acceptance. I can’t bear rejection!”
This all may be going on at a subconscious level. We just feel lonely, sad, incomplete, stuck (and dare I say, even suicidal) without connecting the dots. But we run fast to escape these tormenting emotions (toward our favorite coping mechanism – for example alcohol, eating, shopping, screens, porno, gambling, what’s yours?).
Yet as intent as we are to shake it, like the cartoon Road Runner, that persistent emotion is waiting for us at the finish line to retake our state of mind.
Once you learn how to (in the words of the late, great Bob Marley), emancipate yourself from mental slavery, approval seeking falls away and only your authentic Self remains. It’s a beautiful place from which to live life.
As for me and my language, I can still be a little racy in punctuating with a few choice words. But now it’s not about approval seeking – it’s simply me being risqué me 😜
What are your thoughts? What are you noticing about this in your life? Click here to let me know.
P.S. Want the experience of working with your emotions to access higher states of consciousness for deep emotional healing? Join me for my monthly Advanced Techniques event! You can RSVP here for free.