It’s a triumph when we begin releasing self-limiting beliefs by facing and processing our difficult emotions. But that’s “part 1” of the equation. Part 2 is when we begin applying it to our Real World relationships. This week, I go into detail about how this practice shows up in my life:
So I want to share with you an example of Inner growth … A very personal example that reflects my journey around the sense – the feeling of abandonment and how it showed up with my partner. And this might be something you could very well relate to either in your current relationship or one that you have had in the past or for future reference.
My partner is a very private person so I won’t refer to my partner, who is a man, by name because I want to respect his privacy. But you know, it’s a piece that I want to tell you about because I think it’s important but I also want to make sure that I’m respecting him.
So when I was growing up in a very volatile and abusive and unpredictable childhood, I had a mother who would ignore me. And she would ignore questions that I would ask her. And I knew full well that she would hear me. Or she would brush me off with just a “I don’t want to talk right now”.
And so bring that around to my partner in regard to this. He is very laser focused. He has a wonderful, admirable sense of concentration when he is reading or reviewing something. And he puts that same focus on me when we’re talking so I feel that I am heard. But earlier in our relationship what would happen is that I would ask him a question and he would be involved in reading something and he wouldn’t answer me.
And I would say “hello? I just asked you a question!” And he would say “Oh, I’m sorry! I was in the middle of something here.” And to compound the situation is that, he calls himself a “slow processor“. So that when I ask him a question, it could very well take three or four seconds to answer. So not an immediate reaction.
So you can imagine when I asked him a question, when he was involved in something … reading off the computer or reading a magazine or whatever and he didn’t answer me. And I would think that he was ignoring me, which just triggered me to no end. So he would say to me “I heard you. And I’m thinking of the answer.“
So what happened was that I was caught in between the idea is he ignoring me? Or has he heard me and he’s just thoughtfully thinking of his response?
So what I had been doing in Emotional Liberation was working with this feeling, this sense of abandonment, which of course is all about self-esteem. And if somebody doesn’t listen to me then there must be something wrong with me and of course to go down that rabbit hole that I really am not worthy to listen to. So it was a big deal for me in our relationship.
So here’s what we did in dealing with this and talking about it. Because it’s very important that once you actually are in touch with the emotion that is troubling you – and in this instance for me it was that sense of abandonment, which led to a feeling of I’m not being respected. That harkens back to my childhood. My partner and I figured out this: that when I would ask him a question, if he heard me he would say: “I’m thinking”. So I would know that he heard me. And that if he didn’t hear me there wouldn’t be any answer. Because he’s just in the depths of concentration, right? So I would know that I needed to ask the question again.
So this is the sort of tricky stuff that we need to work through when we are releasing difficult emotions that are anchored by trauma. Stuff that happened to us to a greater or lesser extent in childhood and now here we are in adulthood and smack dab in front of it!
And this is a reminder for you to, as you work through things, you go into your outer world, right? So it’s a process of the Inner work that reflects the process of the outer work and being able to address these things with others who are in your environment whether it’s your personal, your intimate relationship, your family environment or your work environment. Yeah?
So I would really like to hear from you on this. And find out if this is a sticky wicket for you and what your experience has been. Drop down into the comment section and let me know, OK?
I’m Becca Williams and I want you have a marvelous life. And I want to help you do that.