No wonder we try so hard to avoid rejection!

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Oh, the rejection of it all…

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About 4 years ago, I moved my emotions and trauma recovery practice to be almost entirely online. Of course, when you’re online you need to do things to attract the people who are interested in your work – it’s called marketing:)

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I already had a good size subscriber base. However, that subscriber base was mostly comprised of people who had signed-up because they were interested in the TV show I was producing at the time called, Marijuana Straight Talk. MST was a worthy project and allowed us to discuss the emergent cannabis culture.

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However, a couple years later, I made a dramatic personal pivot to begin teaching the cannabis-assisted emotional recovery work I now specialize in. In my blogs, videos and events, I talk about difficult emotions, their underlying causes, and the Emotional Liberation program I offer to release self-defeating patterns and beliefs that are anchored in trauma.

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As a clinician and emotions therapist, I was drawn to teach this revolutionary new path of self-healing because it healed me! And, now several years later, many attest to its effectiveness.

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The rejection was a bumpy tortuous road

But building my online practice was slow and I was bombarded with lots and lots of “unsubscribes” …I’d get the notices and each one was a small dart that punctured my self-confidence. Eventually I came to understand that the people who wanted to follow cannabis goings-on on a TV show were not (mostly) the same people who wanted to pursue personal healing and wellbeing.

Even with that rationale, I felt rejection. It was old, old Shame stuff that I thought I had worked through but new layers of not good enough percolated up: “Why don’t they like me?” “What am I doing wrong?” “My work doesn’t matter.”

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Take the hit as a gift

On hindsight, that rejection I felt was my latest lesson in working through yet another layer of Self-doubt undermining my sense of worthiness. Even though I had already sloughed off layers-and-layers of trauma, this hit me where it hurt… the perceived rejection that what I was passionately offering was not something that people were interested in.

Since then, I’ve come to understand so much more about online marketing and stuff like your ideal audience. People who were fans of the TV show were not necessarily the people looking for emotional healing and recovery. HA! Not by a long shot. It was a big ship to turn-around as huge numbers of people unsubscribed before I actually got traction with new people coming on board – excited and intrigued by what I was offering.

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Who knew… the pain of rejection = the pain of physical hurt

I’m now in a place where I can objectively view the unfolding of this experience. Maybe it sounds weird to say that I value the pain of the rejection that I had to process – since so many of my students and clients come to me struggling and stuck in patterns of rejection. In fact, the experience makes me better at what I do.

And we’ve come to know that the pain of rejection feels just as agonizing as physical pain. Research on neural pathways points to substantial overlap in the brain between the hurt of physical pain and the pain of rejection. What’s more, long after it’s over, we recall emotional rejection more strongly than an episode of physical pain.

We humans are social creatures by nature and the feeling of rejection – that pain that arises around loss, being marginalized, left out, and spurned are emotional wounds that can be left festering for one’s entire life. That’s why it’s so rewarding for me to offer my guidance and support to help people move through and heal from the emotional pain that keeps them in perpetual cycles of stress, overwhelm and feelings of rejection.

With Love,

Becca

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P.S. what has been your experience? Hit “reply” and let me know!

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2 thoughts on “No wonder we try so hard to avoid rejection!”

Michael

April 27, 2021 at 1:14 pm

Hey Becca, My total life’s experience has taught me a lot of things.Especially about people,I am a firm believer that mankind is responsible for a large percentage of disappointment & Mayhem…in my life now, at this moment I’m feeling sorta lost in the shuffle of things, I’m 63 yrs.old.i live alone in my travel trailer that cannot travel anymore…I’m on a fixed income. That’s maxed out every month. And I don’t do pills,or alcohol and I still maintain with just my cannabis plant..im depressed maybe a week out of each month…and I hate stress, or any toxic attitude that comes my way…God & Family keeps me anchored,and no taking care of animals keeps me sane to some point..What, in your professional opinion would help me out a little and help me somewhat??
I’m thinking more cannabis, but what do I know! Signed..Michael G.
- Becca Williams
  
  May 2, 2021 at 8:46 am
  
  Hi Michael G. I’d suggest you make sure you’re subscribed to BeccaWilliams.org so you will get notices of my free events where you can learn how to find yourself:)